I really, really didn't realized how stressed out I was until I look myself in the mirror.
Was I the same girl that used to smile and laugh at everything in life?
Was I that same old girl that go with the flow?
Was I the same girl that is happy-go-lucky?
Was I even the same girl who always feels like a small girl?
Was I EVEN that same old girl 3-5 years ago with that vibrant mind?
I lost myself while indulging in work.
I lost my passion, my interest in everything art.
I just lost my creativity to reality.
I didn't realized I was so stressed that my shoulder hurts. That pimples were popping out worse than ever. That shopping feels boring. That I am irritated at the slightest things that crossed my path. That I just feel like crying all the time. Even right now, as I type.
Am I really that stressed?
The answer is so clear, only I myself refused to accept it.
Work. Has taken a toll on me. Friends tell me, if I'm not comfortable, if I'm not happy, quit. Saying is easy, but to do it, I have to think of the consequences. My responsibility is much bigger right now as I have started working. Reality strikes.
I'm not as fun as I used to be anymore.
Even if we think we have not changed, but looking back, we can see the path we came through and how much we have changed to be who we are today, right now.
And I guess I miss me.
The cheerful me.
The creative me.
That girl who is willing to take risks.
That girl, and her artistic side.
Not motivated.
Not driven.
And I thought I could have you to push me like how I motivated you. =/
"They looked up and saw a star Shining in the East beyond them far And to the earth it gave great light And so it continued both day and night."
- The First Noel
It's so beautiful.
Just so beautiful.
No words can describe how much I feel about Christmas.
After watching the latest episode of Glee, I found out that Christmas is such a beautiful season. Everything about it spells peace, joy and so much more. Beautiful. Gorgeous. With just less 2 days to go before Christmas, I can't wait to wake up and smell the air on Christmas Day morning. Though it might be another normal day for me, as I do not celebrate the season, but I shall soak myself in the carols and decorations as well as the songs and atmosphere that's all around me.
I didn't expect for this Christmas to touch my heart so much. Moved by the songs, touched by the surprise gift, felt Christmas warmth my heart so much more than ever.
From last year,
"Until one feels the
spirit of Christmas, there is no Christmas. All else is outward
display--so much tinsel and decorations. For it isn't the holly, it
isn't the snow. It isn't the tree not the firelight's glow. It's the
warmth that comes to the hearts of men when the Christmas spirit returns
again." - Unknown.
This year,
"Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't find it under the tree" - Charlotte Carpenter
Wishing everyone a very very Merry Christmas this year!
Enjoy the Christmas songs like never before;
Soak in the Christmas season like never before;
Give and forgive, like always.
Merry Christmas and may all your wishes come true.
I really haven't been blogging. Gone were my days of blogging about food, or life, or whatever that interest me. All I got to say is that I need to keep my mind on work. And work is all I can think about. Sad as it sounds, it's my life right now.
Here are 10 things to highlight for the past one week.
1) Working overtime for the past one week. It's a new week again tomorrow. Wish me luck. =\
2) Spending the weekend with you is the best. ♥ Even if there's minimal communication throughout the week, or downs, it's always wonderful just having you by my side. ♥
3) Christmas is just a week away! Excited! Super duper excited! Although I do not have any plans for this Christmas, but I still LOVE Christmas! It's the most beautiful festive season of the year!! ^^ ♥
4) Looking forward to hit the malls for photoshooting! This year I'm really behind schedule! =(
5) All my photos are really behind schedule. ALL. Sigh. Well, it's due to the fact that I do not turn on my computer anymore.
6) Sometimes I expect too much. In the end, I bring myself down for things I have done and not done. The way I disappoint myself is just plain pathetic. Got to not put high hopes and expectations on people.
7) Got that song. That song stuck in my head. THAT SONG. By Imagine Dragons - It's Time. Nice song. Really. =)
8) Have to hit the malls! The Curve! 1 Utama! Giza! Bangsar Village! Bangsar Shopping Centre! Times Square! Pavilion! Do I even have the time? =( I'm getting sadder each day by the thought of it. The decorations at The Curve is wonderful! T_T
9) Work. It's killing me. But I have to do it. Because I was born to do it, I was made for this kind of job, and I am cut out for this kind of work given. A year. I give it a year. Because I am planning to see the world.
10) I have to say I love the look on your face when I gave you that kiss. Tiptoed. That smile. That surprise look. Warmed my heart. I love surprises as much as you, but most of all, I love surprising people. It's happiness that filled my heart when I look at you. That moment, everything was perfect. ♥
Etched in my heart, that moment will be remembered.
This Christmas, that moment, the most wonderful moment of the year.
Sense of place Genius loci literally means genius of place. It is used to describe places that are deeply memorable for their architectural and experimental qualities.
From 101 Things I learned in Architecture School by Matthew Frederick.
The day started crazily, with me not getting enough sleep due to Air Asia ongoing promotion. Then I got to anxious and all, resulted in getting a slight scolding from my father. Go figure, my bad. I was already feeling a little down about it but managed to brush it off. Then things gotten worst.
For the first time, after working so long, I finally broke. I cannot absorb anything, ever since I started working. My performance right now is such a huge difference to when I did my internship. What ever happened to that passion? To that interest? Everyday, something inside of me die a little each time I step into the office.
1) Turn on the computer.
2) Open time sheet to fill.
3) Open work from the day before - Autocad
4) Work on whatever project that is given - Autocad
5) Time to go home, save, close file, off computer.
A daily routine it has become. Just 3 weeks ago I was starting to like what I was doing. Then now, I feel like it's a little boring. I guess this is what Architecture life is all about. The real world. BANG. Straight to my head. Well, I never thought it was fun in the first place. So I will live with it.
Work. You have to enjoy what you do, and it will not become a daily routine. You have to enjoy what you do and you don't have to work for life.
Once more, I hit a bumpy road.
But I won't give up.
Tears stained my cheeks.
But I won't give up.
Just remember what I started out as and what I aim to achieve.
Broken.
But nothing beats having someone there to catch you when you break.
I haven't been blogging as frequent as I thought I would. My last post was dated 2 weeks ago. Blogging mojo, washed down the drain. So I figured maybe I should do some blogging, since I feel that my blog needs a new post, and, also I am feeling kind of blah. Yeah, that blah mood. That mood where it puts you in a situation of not doing anything, just so blue.
1)4 days straight. Holiday mood was turned on since the start of the week! Go figure why my bosses would be in such a bad mood on Wednesday because we were working on a Tuesday and practically ALL of us in the office were already in a holiday mood! Tuesday was Deepavali. Can't blame us boss! But we asked for the exchange of working days though.
So, 4 days straight, what did I do?
2)Thursday - Awal Muharam.Sepang and Port Dickson trip!
Pick my pretty friend Swee Ling and head down to Sepang for half the day.
Sorry for the panda eyes.
I'm a panda anyways. =P
Managed to catch a lovely sunset at Port Dickson. ♥
With you by the side, it was superb.
It was like we went all the way from KL to Sepang and PD just to chill and hang out. Oh, and to go to the night market in PD! I heard the night market only happens once a month!
3)Friday - an exchanged for Tuesday. Stayed home, laze around, work on my port folio, (which I didn't really touch.) Still trying to figure out how to get started. Need inspiration! Here's the link I have been referring to for the past few days. Click HERE to get ideas on how to kick start your portfolio! =)
Friday dinner was interesting. I followed my mother to her friend's house for dinner and boy, look at the food that was available! =D NOM!
Soup, noodles, nuggets, papadam, salad...
I am feeling hungry right now.
4) Saturday - Weekend! =) Had a book to read through the weekends and if I am not mistaken, it is my FIRST ever Chinese book! (I think) I don't read Chinese books because it makes my eyes goes like that -> @.@ But this one is rather interesting!
We took a bus from KL to England.
Backpacking around the globe. Damn!
I need to do that and I will do it! =/
Went out for a short shopping spree with my lovely sister!
10 Years and still counting! ^^ ♥
At night, it was like meeting family. Made new friends over a simple birthday dinner celebration! I don't have any pictures but I do have food pictures. But I better not post it as I know my stomach is already growling. =/
5) Sunday -Lazy day. Was supposed to go for a property talk but I end up staying at home. Meh. =/ Anyways, was at 1 Utama and the Christmas spirit is all around already! I'm so hyped about it! I really need to get myself a Christmas tree to decorate already. I really envy those who have like those HUGE, TALL Christmas trees that are fully decorated!
Ho Ho Ho!
Christmas is coming! ^^
Merry as can be, Christmas would be nothing if I don't have you by the side.
Two videos to end the night.
Glee's version of the song puts more sadness into the song.
Alright. I kid you not. It has been a few days since I last blogged, but at least I'm cutting down on blogging EVERYDAY. Can't afford to do that. I am a lazy person. =P Yet, here is a post again, on a Sunday evening.
1) I have been sleeping the whole day away. What can I say? I love my bed. I refuse to get up to walk around the house or even sit in front of my computer. I would rather twist and turn in bed the entire day. HEH. I'm awesome like that. Which explains why I am blogging at this hour because I just got up about an hour ago.
2) "A jealous girlfriend is a faithful girlfriend. If she doesn't get jealous when someone has your attention, it's because someone has hers." copied from a friend.
True much. But I'm not the kind who would get jealous very easily. And I guess it's the same for the guys as well. =)
3) Last but not least, I still remember being the "sweet girl" back in college times. I had a BIG packet of sweets all the time and whoever wanted sweets, they would just ask me. I was the sweet distributor. I had all kinds of sweets. Yes, I mean ALL kind. (Maybe not those expensive ones, but like mentos, sugus, lot 100 and more)
Childhood sweets? =)
开始想念了，我们在一起的时间根本就不够。
Starting to miss, the time we spent together is not enough.
It was the best night ever! The day has finally arrived and boy, it was an excitement that I have never felt in a long time! The feeling when I was in the arena waiting for them to appear, and when they appeared, it was indescribable! That tingling effect that shot through the whole body, it was superb! I couldn't believe my own eyes that it's them standing there, dancing, singing and talking to us all!
So what am I talking about? =D
BIGBANG's ALIVE GALAXY TOUR 2012 in MALAYSIA!! =D
It was and will be always that amazing! Their performance was super awesome! My friend and I said it was YENG! I started the day by waking up at 8am, just to be at the venue by 11pm. The sun was hot, screw it. It rained quite heavily, screw it too. Because rain or shine can't stop us from attending the concert! But of course, the rain was a little annoying because not only we were hot from the sun, we were all hot from wearing the raincoat! It even rained heavier right before the concert started! =( Bummer. But thank God the skies were awesomely clear after the rain! =D
Wristbands!
I have been looking for these ever since I knew they were coming to Malaysia! ^^
Yes! T.O.P banner! =D
For his birthday~!
A very candid shot of me holding the YG BB light sticks!
So happy! =D
My haul after the concert.
It was worth it. ;)
One word to describe the entire concert - FANTASTIC. Seriously. It was the BEST. The moment the appeared to the moment the concert end, it was such a beautiful night.The moment they started beat boxing, it was uberly MAD! The moment they started speaking English, the screaming was MAD!The moment TaeYang took his shirt off for T.O.P, it was freaking MAD! There goes my throat, there goes my head. =D It was really worth it. Everything was worth it, for them.
24/7, My Heaven. ♥
"Still having a Beautiful Hangover from
the Last Farewell. In the Cafe, don't stop the Feeling. Everyone is so
High High, putting their Hands Up, not wanting Tell them Goodbye. They
are Bad Boys, they are Monsters. But what they do and what they are is
Fantastic Baby, 24/7 My Heaven!! ♥ Haru Haru we are BIGBANG VIPs Until
Whenever! ♥"
"Sixth.
Since the beginning of time, we were never single to be able to date
each other. All we did was flirted and played around. Then since July,
everything changed. You are Who I love, for I have not felt such passion the moment our lips touched. You are What I love, for you were the reason I couldn't find a reason, not even an excuse to why I had feelings for you. You are When I love, someone I gotten rid of my fears for, not knowing when I can love again. You are Where I love, the fun I have been looking for, and places that is to be explore, just to be with you. You are Why I love, for I know now what I am looking for, and who deserve my love.
And you, will be my last."
Here's something like a sequel to my previous post. We all don't necessarily need to love 5 people to help shape who we are. It may be 4, or even 3, to be the Who, What, When, Where and Why. Because from a person one can learn not only to love, but more then that if you are willing to open up your heart to see, touch and feel.
"Well written," a friend said.
I don't know how well it was written, but everything is from the bottom of my heart. I have never been more serious about the last. I just hope that whatever I have written down here in my blog, he sees it, he reads it. But whether is he touched by it I don't know. Because all he is, is cool. I can't feel his sincerity maybe. =/ Or maybe I am just being unappreciated. And I told another friend of mine that I am serious about the last. It's really the last of the last that my heart can take.
"If it doesn't work out, then I don't know what will."
"I can see you're trying really hard"
"Then I shall become a nun. LOL."
"Nun your head!"
"If I can't save this relationship then so be it."
"I don't know how to tell you lah but.. you're a good good gf lah. Susah nak cari."
And my friend went like on saying "Apa you mau lagi kawan?"
"If me, sure appreciate kao kao, hold on kao kao!"
It was a funny conversation with serious tones in it! I know I'm worth it. Worth so much that even money can't buy. And those last few words reminded me of the past. So yes I am determined and if I can't save this relationship, then I don't know what will already. All I can say at the end is it will be his lost. Not mine.
And I do not know how else more to express my seriousness. I just really hope he feels the same. Longed for hugs, I really wish I can have him for this weekend. But in reality, I just hope, and wish, that he can spend some time with me, like how I would do, for him. Spending time hanging out at places we know, spending time exploring new stuff and places. Do what most couples would do. It's that simple.
Today's post is different from usual. Not random stuff that is in my head, but inspired to blog by the latest video from WongFu Production - The Last. =)
Just one simple question, and it got me thinking, just how many have I loved?
Sometimes, we would like to know how many were there before he/she is with you, or are you the one and only. Doing this will make me dig back those old memories that I have long buried down under some place, but it's good to reminisce on how far I have come to this stage where I am right now. So how many have I loved?
Five.
Who are they? and What are their names?
They are part of who helped shaped my life.
They are Who, What, When, Where and Why.
First, Who I loved, was a guy from my high school. I wasn't exactly close to him, he was a junior. 3 years my junior. He was my real first love, I guess. And it was with him I had a taste of what heartbreak felt like. I fell hard for him, and it took months to recover from the heartache. From him I realized that it's not easy loving someone, and a taste of what love is like.
Second, What I loved, was a randomly met guy at a music stall. It was out of the blues that my friend and I got to know him and we both fell for him, which ruined our friendship for awhile. Stole my first kiss, he gave me the impression of a playboy yet he's loving at the same time. From him that I slowly rid of certain bad habits, and love music even more.
Third, When I loved, was one of my primary classmate. So unexpectedly, we hooked up after a reunion party. He was when I learned to really love someone, and know the meaning of loving another person. Yet, he also showed me that time is needed to spent on the other half or else the relationship will fail. From him I love Love.
Fourth, Where I loved, was like the perfect guy to me. We met in college, half a year later. And it was after the breakup that he was there for me, telling me that new memories can be made. I didn't intend for it to be so long. He was the one for me, to the extend of thinking about the future with him. From him that I learned the most, shaping me into the person I am today.
Fifth, Why I loved, is a summer love, that can blossom into something so much more, but was left to wither. It was young love once again. It was him that made me think that it is possible to be in love once more. Talking til daylight, grinning from ear to ear, that was summer. From him I learn how to differentiate infatuation from love, and to know my values.
Now, because of all these, I learn to take care of myself, love myself, and protect my heart. Memories came back, but they are the reason I smile. Don't cry, because it's over; Smile, because it happened. =) I am a better person and with the capability to truly love a person without anything in return.
Then there's you.
Sixth. Since the beginning of time, we were never single to be able to date each other. All we did was flirted and played around. Then since July, everything changed. You are Who I love, for I have not felt such passion the moment our lips touched. You are What I love, for you were the reason I couldn't find a reason, not even an excuse to why I had feelings for you. You are When I love, someone I gotten rid of my fears for, not knowing when I can love again. You are Where I love, the fun I have been looking for, and places that is to be explore, just to be with you. You are Why I love, for I know now what I am looking for, and who deserve my love.
So, another random post from me again. Let's get started. =)
1) My appetite is back to normal! =D *happy* Why am I so happy? Because I am finally feeling hungry during normal eating hours. Lunch hour, stomach growling. Dinner time, stomach making super lots of noise! Which proves that I normal once again! So much for the past few weeks of not having the feeling of hungry. FOOD. I'm back! =D
2) Which comes to me needing to hit the gym again. Next week. I shall let my body enjoy and rest as much as it can then it's gym time next week! I can feel the fats piling up at unnecessary areas. Not good, not good. Plus, have to build up my stamina once more. Can't be lazy now! Need motivation!! =(
HAVE. TO. GYM.
NEXT. WEEK.
3) On the contrary, Iron Man 3 trailer is OUT! GOOD SHIT. HAVE. TO. WATCH. Period.
4) I had a thought on my way back from work and boy, I never thought of it. I like my bosses! Although yes, if you do not do your work properly or can't produce work they sure will screw you real bad. Nonetheless, I like chatting with them at times. Though of course, there's the employer-employee barrier. My bosses are really funny! ^^
5) A really random one. My father just told me that he got stopped by police at a road block on Monday night. Why? Due to road tax expired. Not only that, my father said he didn't realized his road tax expired in July! Goodness, it's October now! I had a good laugh. Really! =D
6) Now yes it does feels good to get work done. I'm content, happy about it, although sometimes I think I take pretty much the whole day to get one task done. =/
7)Graduation photos are still all over! Even my boss asked about my convocation. Next March I told him, and said that I'll invite him to go. He asked me go for what? And I jokingly told him to bring flowers for me. =P I really had a good laugh sometimes talking to him. =)
8) I want a weekend getaway! Or rather, I need a weekend getaway! I am starting to think about a getaway for like end of every month! I don't care where. I just want to have fun somewhere away from home. I see friends flying off to Korea, Taiwan, I also want to fly! Then I see friends going to PD, Redang, or where ever there's beaches, I also want to go! I'm a travel junkie! =( In short, I just need a weekend getaway every month. It shall be a little reward for myself for getting through working life every month! (^_^)
9) Another 4 days! =D *HYPER* *HYPE* WHOO~ ^^ ♥♥♥
10) Last but not least, something for all. Love, is not all about the time spent together, but also the time spent away from each other. ;)
I really do hope the long time is a really really long time.
A few years, or even a few decades. ^^
There's a feeling, every time I look at you, it's indescribable. ♥
1) It really has been quite a long time since I last went to Desa Parkcity for a walk. The last time I was there was during the Mid-Autmn festival, which I drove around the place and left. Was supposed to be there with family but end up lonely on Mid-Autumn festival. =(
Went there on Sunday night and realized there were some changes, like the grass grew taller than me, and some plants were not around anymore. But nonetheless, I still love the place. ^^ ♥
2) The weekends was good. This coming weekend is going to be even better with BIGBANG's concert! =D *HYPE!* ♥ 'nuff said. =D
3) Got a shade darker. Slightly darker due to the scorching hot sun when I was in Kampar. It's always hotter up north. Why?! But I love the sun nonetheless. =D
4)First site meeting with my boss today! Pretty excited! And boy, it was interesting! Everyone involved in the project was there, and I have so much more to learn! Slowly but surely, it's coming back to me now. =)
The project in Cheras to be demolished and rebuilt. =)
I also got to chat with my one of my boss as well. Both of my bosses are different and chatting with them is GOOOD. =) Interesting topics were exchanged today and I thoroughly enjoy it much! =D
5)Graduation photos all over Facebook. I can't stand it! I can't wait for my turn! Next March! It would be awesome if it's during my birthday week! =P Another 4 months then! Heeee~~ ^^ ♥
6) God knows how many times I snoozed my phone alarm this morning. Seriously.
7) I realized I always end with something related to love, and this post is not an exception. Making me think, here's a quote for all. Taken from Tumblr.
How I wish to share my life with you, because that's the way it should be.
