L.O.V.E.

The heart speaks of a story long forgotten.

I won't deny it, you have taught us well, and taught us right.

But nobody ever bother to why I dread to go home.
You think I don't care.
Everyone thinks I don't give a shit.
But nobody ever bother to ask W.H.Y.

I hate people nagging over how I should live my life.
I hate how people stereotype me just like everyone else, those that does not go home.
I hate how people judge a book by its cover.
But nobody ever bother to even know me.

I really won't deny it, that both of them brought me up in their own two ways.
I really love them so much, that they don't even know.
Always thinking and stereotyping on me that I have no respect for them.
Always thinking that I don't care shit about family.

DOES ANYONE EVEN BOTHER TO KNOW WHY?!
NO. No one cares enough to do so.
And so? I don't need anyone's care.
NO. So I am just fine on my own.

Not once. Not twice.
All they care is how I should be a good girl.
That daughter, going home on time everyday, taking care of house needs, tending to the elderly.
That girl, that's soft spoken, knows her duties and stays home all the time.
Who are they to judge?! Who are they to say?
When they don't even know half the story?

Nobody know how much I want to stay home.
To tend to the house, to laze around, to be able to feel like home.
To be able to do so, it all comes back to me.
Everything has to start from me
Every. Single. Thing.
But after all I have done, it's back to square one.
Who am I to judge?
Who am I to even say my displeasure?!

Stop judging! Then maybe I will consider.
Stop nagging! For I know my duties!
Stop being such a worry sag! For worrying too much does not help one bit!
Stop every single thing! Because I'm freaking tired of this shit!

Nobody wants to know why. So what? I keep my story to myself. Life has so much more to offer than just a broken family. I love my family, but I can't do it alone.

Ohana means Family. And nobody gets left behind.

I won't deny it, you taught me well, and taught me right. What's left of my life, let me explore it.
Thank you to those years you have raised me, lectured me, and spanked me.
Thank you to those years you taught me, scolded me, and loved me in your very own way.
I'm thankful and grateful, but I know you can never feel that from me.

You all just do not know how much Family means to me.

A picture tells a thousand words.

Come to think of it, I should start posting my photography stuff up here. I don't deny that my photography skills are getting better, but I still have a lot to learn.

From using a Nikon S610 to an Olympus E410 to a Nikon D7000. I love the photos I personally capture as it has my own style and flavor in it. =)

Here are some past photos taken right from the beginning, all from my Nikon D7000.

Pickle & Fig, TTDI.

My first try at Bokeh! =D

Lights, Desa Park City.

I had my first try of capturing car lights, without a tripod!

Hence the slight blurry, shaky picture.

Traffic, LDP.

But all is good! =)

Coconut Love, Bali.

This shot wasn't taken by me. Credits go to my man who took this.

I still think his skills are much better than mine. =)
I think this photo is with minimal editing. ;)

Now this shot is by me. =O

Water, Bali.

Stringed hearts, Ubud, Bali.

This was after surfing! ^^

Chup!, Kuta, Bali.

I love editing photos to make them nicer too.

The best photos are the ones that needs slight amount of editing,

better are the ones that needs no editing, at all. =)

Girl on Beach, Port Dickson.

Colour lights, Malacca.

Sky Blue, Malacca.

So far, this are parts of my collection for May 2013. That's the month I gotten my hands on my new baby, the Nikon D7000. ^^ More to come! =)

I find joy in the simplest moments captured.

Blog Re-Vamp!!!

Another day revamping my blog! Does this whole page seems more lively and brighter? Not as gloomy as the old times, and better fonts and navigation eh? =D

Well, I'm a happy girl. It took me two days to get this done. Plus, including a name change of my blog. Change is good, remember? =) And so does the wallpaper on my phone, God knows after how long I stopped changing my wallpapers every month!

I will blog a little more from now. Hopefully I do get the inspiration to blog. Ideas always comes to me at oddly hours! One came a few days ago when I want to get some eye shut! How can one sleep when inspiration suddenly hits?

Self motivating for today.

Oh, and a song to end this post. A song that has always been on the radio all around Malaysia. And always playing through my speakers wherever I go. =) Enjoy.

既然要在一起，就别轻易放弃。

Upgraded.

I suddenly got an inspiration to blog. To blog about myself. =D

I'm not being vain, but just looking back at my old pictures really make myself wonder, "Wow. I look kind of different, do I?" Yet I still see no changes at times. I'm still the same old me, but an upgraded version. =P

2009.
I call it the 'L' pose.


2009. Me and my silly smile.

Like really, I think it's the hair. Don't talk about mentality, for I think it hasn't change one single bit. =P Whereas for physical wise, see that I have changed my hair. And changing of hair is like a whole new look.

2010.
CNY.

2010.
Look better don't I? =D

I think it's the hair. So much for the hair. Short hair for who knows how long. Oh and of course, I look so much younger. Pictures are like 3 years ago. DUH!

2011.
Valentine.

2012.
Valentine.

It took me quite some time to search for good pictures of me. Or rather according to the year, which I realized that most of my pictures were not taken alone. It was always with my ex. And who would want to see me still posting pictures of my ex up? -_-

And as for recent pictures, I think I grew fatter. Or rather, I did put on weight. Much to my liking. I don't know how long I was spotted with short hair, or rather, shoulder length hair, then after that, I just kept my hair long. People keep saying that I look good with long hair. =O

2013.
CHCKL EMERGE KL MBP PRELIMS.

Well I think I come to a conclusion where I can say that I STILL LOOK THE SAME! Its just that what you see now is an upgraded version of me. Longer hair, better skin (I think), same old eyebags and panda eyes, and that same old silly smile.

I'm bigger, better, stronger, power! ;)

I see a change, and it's a change I want.

Unhappy.

All I do now is just sit around staring into space.

I would say it aloud right here.

I want attention.

Yes you read that correctly. Attention. But not the kind of attention you are thinking in your brain.

The problem is that I want attention from the boyfriend. But sadly enough, I end up thinking I was selfish to ask for such when he's busy practicing.

It's not that he doesn't care.

But after practice just pay some attention to me, is it that hard?

Or maybe it is. So hence I, in return find it difficult to have a good chat with him.

And therefore, I don't want to rely on him.

So hard to see the person you care for so fatigue, better yet, not even going home to rest. Yet all one can do is give the utmost support in anyway. Sometimes it's the little things that matters, small things make everything alright. For 3 months, or since the beginning, I would love to do things for you, it makes me happy. I would do anything, from staying up waiting for you to just accompanying you, and now it's coming to an end.

When the other person gives no response, we automatically stop doing the things we usually do. But I keep trying. You don't give up just because the other person stops trying. You keep trying and hopefully one day the other person realizes that all this while, it was you who is always there for them.

But for this few days, as cranky as ever, I would say screw little things. They piss me off. Every single thing makes me annoyed, frustrated and depressed. I would begin to say nothing is going right. I am most of the time, quiet. Refusing to talk to anyone, withdrawn from society itself. This week. It is this week that I am utterly unlike myself.

So many mistakes done. And I am still making the same mistake. I cannot take it. All I want to do now is jump off a cliff, feel the wind in my face. I thought over how much I value this relationship of mine and mustered every strength I have just to say that I am sorry for everything. I'm not begging for forgiveness, I just want him to know that I have nothing to lose.

A few more days, I keep telling myself. A few more days, people keep telling me. A few more days then all these stress and unhappiness will disappear. A few more days. But how long is a few more days? It seems like forever!! I cannot take it anymore.

Emerge KL, why am I not as excited for you like everyone else?

Curling up with my teddy is far better
than having someone who don't have time for you.

We break not because we are incompatible.

We break because we no longer feel the love.

Action speaks louder than words.

Brad Pitt about his wife:

"My wife got sick. She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and children. She lost 30 pounds and weighted about 90 pounds. She got very skinny and was constantly crying. She was not a happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs. She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the mornings and got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of a break up. Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, she was poking her head, and stopped taking care of herself. She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role. I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon… But then I decided to act. After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on earth. She is the idol of more than half of men and women on earth, and I was the one allowed to fall asleep next to her and to hug her. I began to shower her with flowers, kisses and compliments. I surprised and pleased her every minute. I gave her a lot of gifts and lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends. You won’t believe it, but she blossomed. She became better. She gained weight, was no longer nervous and loved me even more than ever. I had no clue that she CAN love that much.

And then I realized one thing: the woman is the reflection of her man.

If you love her to the point of madness, she will become it."

-Brad Pitt

Updating......

Lights.

My love for photography grew, just like my love for you will always grow.

It has really been quite awhile. I long time actually, that I haven't blogged. It's been what? A month plus! Oh wells, I have nothing much to blog about anyways ever since I started working and haven't gotten much time to even edit/filter photos from everywhere! (Which explains why my photos are taking so long to get uploaded to Facebook!)

Random rants/updates/rubbish.

1) Work is good. End of June and first few weeks of July was good. After that everything went downhill for no apparent reason. Time seemed to be ticking by bloody slow, and the days pass as if time just some how got stuck.

2) Have been pretty active for the last one month plus due to City Harvest Church having their yearly event of EMERGE. Pretty interesting categories lined up and the fight among 4 clusters begin! I got to know about it last year and this year I am part of it! :)

3) Whereas I can't say the same for myself. Due to time moving at snail pace during working hours and for almost 2 weeks, adding the on-going EMERGE from CHCKL, I was practically burned-out last week. Like seriously. I couldn't focus at work, then when it's way pass working hours I kept thinking how much work I have to be done. Not to mention I have been going to church for 8 days straight. Sleeping at 2am and forcing myself up at 830am.

4) No the other hand, I am enjoying the sports I am taking part in as well as the friends I am making. :) Keeps me entertained and happy. But deep inside I became depressed since last weekend. I thought to myself that I have to make myself happy, and that it was a choice - to stay this way or be awesome. But somehow, I just couldn't. I just can't! *frustrated*

5) I still have trust issue with him. I trust him to a certain extend but to what extend? Sigh. Or maybe it's just me having trust issues with myself. After thinking of everything, I keep putting the blame on myself for not understanding or not giving him space or not this or that. I mean, in my mind I know there's nothing wrong with me but instead I guess I felt something. Jealousy, insecurity, all sorts of what I should not be feeling. Sigh

6) I guess Love is the only reason I need. I didn't complain on how I had to wait for him or how I had to pick him up and ferry him to and fro. I don't mind at all, not one bit. Trust me, I don't mind at all. I would go to the end of the world and back just for him as well. Oh damn, I'm too much. D< Hate myself for that. Argh.

7) Current location: PENANG! :D

Happy because I get FOOOOD! There goes my weight. And so I am typing this post from my run-downed house right here in the heart of the Penang island, on my bed all wrapped up in my jacket and blanket, at the same time wishing that he could be here with me.

Somehow everything with him is so easy to get used to. I refuse to cry in front of him, but it hurts when I hold those tears back. For every wrong I have done, I sincerely apologized.


We can do better.

“You will never find what you are looking for in love,

if you don’t love yourself.”

— Lady Gaga

I'm not afraid of not seeing you, I'm afraid of missing you.

Trust me.

"Trust is like paper, once crumpled, can never be smooth again, no matter how hard you try to smoothen it."

And so, when we give people our trust, we are having faith. Faith that people do not break our trust that we have for them.

Some say trust has to be earn. Then onlu its worth having faith for a person.

We all have trust issues, not only you but also myself. In this world, we can only trust ourselves and no one else, not even your lover or family.

If I trust you enough not to question you, do not break my trust by doing something stupid. If I trust you enough not to even ask, appreciate that faith I have in you because trust is hard to earn.

"Words alone don't make a relationship of any kind, put actions of trust, honesty, kindness, empathy, and strength behind them and it will last a longtime."

You. Can keep me til the end. ♡

Happiness comes from within. ♥

"Happiness starts from within."

An article gave me the inspiration for today's post. It got me thinking after my first time scanning through it. I had to read it through once more in order to let the story sink in. It was then I realized something.

I believe that if we are patient enough, that everything will be okay in the end.

I believe, that we have to give things time to reveal itself to us.

And I know for a fact that we don't walk out on a person when everything else fails.

You don't walk out on a person, even when everything else fails.

In the beginning we were taught to walk away, move on for our own good, when everything fails, when the other person does not love us the way we want them to. Because we have to think of ourselves, what will make us happy and what will not. We have to learn to move on for we cannot be always waiting for something that in reality we know, that will not come true.

Yet after reading this article, something inside me tells me that we don't simply walk out on a person when everything fails. We stick around to help, cure and provide support in any ways we can. We work things out, solve problems, and not just throw everything at each other hoping the issues will resolve itself. Nothing is going to work out alright if we do not put effort into it.

And so I learn, and still learning, that we don't walk out on someone when everything fails. No matter what, we stay put. Because when you walk out, sooner or later you will realized that you can never turn back the hands of time, and you will never have the same thing twice.

This article is a good read and worth it to share out to all. Click HERE to read. It's really a good read. Worth spending a few minutes of your life to read through it as you may never know what you will get out of just a simple story like this. =)

"You don't turn your back on family, even when they do." - Dom, F&F6.

Our love, our story.

A travel junkie at heart. ♥

Bits and pieces.

For the first time, I'm blogging from the office. =P

I haven't been blogging. I totally stop blogging due to hectic work schedule and trying to maintain a social life. Which means lesser internet life. (Which is good by the way.) Yet I have to come back here to my solitutde, it's the only place i get to brag and vent the way I want and need.

Suddenly I feel lost. Out of touch with everyone, not just myself. With the world. I feel like I'm not who I am, or worst, I do not know who I am. I guess it's just me. It's always me. Then there's that sudden urge to just book a flight ticket to somewhere and travel on my own. (I really should do that. Disappear.)

Anyways, here's bits and pieces of my one week trip with two lovely group of people. =)

19 Bali Trip

20th-24th May 2013

QS PD-Malacca Trip

24th-26th May 2013

Though I might not fit in anywhere, but I'm glad to be accepted, and because I am meant to stand out. So much for coming back to the blogging world. Back to work now.

Travelling is addictive!

10 Day 'You' Challenge - Seven Wants.

I'm actually getting lazy on this challenge. First up, I do not really have the time. Second, I don't have my blogging mojo. Third, work is so tiring. Fourth, I have my daily dose of staring at the computer screen for 8 hours a day, and 5 days a week.

But 7 wants. This should be easy. =)

1) My own DSLR! I've got my eye on the Nikon D7000 or D7100. ^^

2) A Instax Fujifilm! *chiak*

3) Pursue my Masters.

4) Get a better job? =)

5) Money.

6) And with money, dresses and shoes. =P

7) To go travelling!

The typical me, with those materialistic wants. =D

Or maybe, I just want you.

Changed?

What do you do when you have changed so much that you don't even know who you are anymore?

What do you do when you have changed so much you forgot who you were?

You watch your past replaying right before you, as you sit there taking a sip from that Margarita in your hand. Things were so much happier back then. Everything wasn't as messed up as it is right now. You think you know the routes, and you think you know what you want and what you would do. But right now, as you take another sip you ponder - How did everything just spun out of control?

As you tried to regain control, you came to a realization that you have changed far too much even for yourself to recognized. Where has that angelic side of you went to? Has the devil took control of your body? Something inside just broke, has it? That the hair colour and the way of your dressing couldn't have been more of a clearer message. Where has all the good hearted guys went? Or most importantly, you know that there won't be anyone else for you out there already.

What couldn't be more clearer was that you had given up on love. Let go might be better. Not that you do not believe in love anymore, but because it has made you so tired that you refuse to give in to it anymore. Enough is enough, therefore the mainstream status of "Single but Unavailable." You're just too tired to even pursue anymore, not because you believe that one day the person will actually realizes about your love, but because you just do not believe in movie like scenarios. You just know what you want, and you know what you need. But nobody can give you both what you want and need, and that's reality.

Sometimes, we all want to go back to that moment, that time, when we were both perfect for each other. As tears trickle down your cheek, you realized you miss love, and all those perfect moments with love, and how love lights up your world. For so long, you realized that after that time, nothing is ever as smooth as it ever was anymore. Your world spins in fast motion, everything just fly past like nothing permanent is ever going to take place. Change is good, at least it's something.

Refusing to get caught up in a love web, you work yourself hard, day and night just to keep your stupid mind from wandering around places it should not go. You work yourself hard, using work as a medicine to cure your heartache, to numb all your senses. You fake a smile and say that you have never been better, but it's not. You have to come to a point to admit that you might have fucked up a little. And maybe this moment is now.

Not finishing that drink in hand, you stood up and left. And as you step out the door, you look up to the sky and smile. not a fake, but a genuine smile that rarely anyone sees. A smile that indicates that everything will be alright. A smile that shows you are way too good for those who had broken your heart into tiny pieces. A smile, that shows that you still remember who you were and are right now.

With that, you walked away into the night.

********************************************

A story spun on a wheel within minutes.

So much of everything, I can't show or do anything.

Keeping them for use someday, hopefully,

But because I'm awesome like that. ;)

Only someone worthy will capture that radiant smile of mine.

I'm hot and I know it.

And that's the confidence I have. :D

10 Day 'You' Challenge - Six Places.

Six places.
Places I love to go?
Places that is the most common hangout spot?

Well, scroll down to find out! =)

Soho KL

Place Number 1.

A place so high class and pricey.

A place I wish my office was still here.

So many sports car to see everyday.

TTDI Plaza

Place Number 2.

New work place.

Nearer to home.

But like a dead city within.

1 Utama

Place Number 3.

Always packed.

Always jammed up.

But you can shop for hours inside. ^^

Penang. <3 span="">

Place Number 4.
The little island I love so much in Malaysia. =)

Hot.

But with awesome food.

Penang is love. ^^

Desa Park City

Place Number 5.
A place I love to go whenever I'm sad or down or emo.
A place I would love to go to after dinner.
A place so beautiful at night, only to be spent with the person I love.