Unhappy.

All I do now is just sit around staring into space.

I would say it aloud right here.

I want attention.

Yes you read that correctly. Attention. But not the kind of attention you are thinking in your brain. 

The problem is that I want attention from the boyfriend. But sadly enough, I end up thinking I was selfish to ask for such when he's busy practicing.

It's not that he doesn't care.

But after practice just pay some attention to me, is it that hard?

Or maybe it is. So hence I, in return find it difficult to have a good chat with him.

And therefore, I don't want to rely on him.

So hard to see the person you care for so fatigue, better yet, not even going home to rest. Yet all one can do is give the utmost support in anyway. Sometimes it's the little things that matters, small things make everything alright. For 3 months, or since the beginning, I would love to do things for you, it makes me happy. I would do anything, from staying up waiting for you to just accompanying you, and now it's coming to an end. 

When the other person gives no response, we automatically stop doing the things we usually do. But I keep trying. You don't give up just because the other person stops trying. You keep trying and hopefully one day the other person realizes that all this while, it was you who is always there for them.

But for this few days, as cranky as ever, I would say screw little things. They piss me off. Every single thing makes me annoyed, frustrated and depressed. I would begin to say nothing is going right. I am most of the time, quiet. Refusing to talk to anyone, withdrawn from society itself. This week. It is this week that I am utterly unlike myself.

So many mistakes done. And I am still making the same mistake. I cannot take it. All I want to do now is jump off a cliff, feel the wind in my face. I thought over how much I value this relationship of mine and mustered every strength I have just to say that I am sorry for everything. I'm not begging for forgiveness, I just want him to know that I have nothing to lose. 

A few more days, I keep telling myself. A few more days, people keep telling me. A few more days then all these stress and unhappiness will disappear. A few more days. But how long is a few more days? It seems like forever!! I cannot take it anymore.

Emerge KL, why am I not as excited for you like everyone else?

Curling up with my teddy is far better
than having someone who don't have time for you.

We break not because we are incompatible.

We break because we no longer feel the love.