Quota ♥

There are things we don't want it to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn and people we can't live without but have to let go.

The need to be noticed.

I am supposed to be away this weekend. Sort of like a short, small getaway trip down to Malacca, a place so nice with it's own flavor.

But, I turned down that offer. Why?

1) I did not feel like going.
2) I have been to A-Famosa. Although that was like many years back.
3) I have a wound that needs taking care of.
4) I don't feel joyous enough to travel.
5) I just am not in the right mood to enjoy trips with my family right now. And when I am not in the right mood, I get cranky very fast and easy which is not good.
6) Somehow I am stuck at home, makes me want to stay indoors.
7) I just basically don't feel like going.
8) I really just want to stay at home.
9) Because I am having a cranky mood almost for the week.
10) Because I just don't feel like going.


Enough reasons or excuse to satisfy you? Been having a stupid cranky mood since... I don't know when. Sometimes it's best to just keep my mouth shut. Silence is golden. My friend Cayman once said. I have no idea why I remember that she said that but yeah, best I remained silent. I make too much noise, come to think of it. Sometimes I feel that I am missing out on something fun when I said I don't want to go to the Malacca Trip. I let my cousins down. I let myself down.

Having inner problems with myself I guess, that should be the root of my daily silence, my cranky mood, the thoughts of running away from home. I am not a small girl anymore. I can really take care of myself. I guess I am just having problem with myself. The need to be noticed. The need to get attention. The need to be someone I want to be. The need to just do something I like. The need to just do what I want. The need to just want.

I'm getting more emo i think. I want to do something, but I do not have the correct motivation to do so, and I do not have the correct mind and heart to do it. I'll just stop here. I hope my mood will be better. But sometimes, I just don't know what I want, until that thing or something comes along, then I will know.

You know, if you see me with a smiley face, talking joyously to you just about anything, maybe I am wearing a smiley mask. A mask to mask all my sadness. A mask to hide, a wounded heart and a broken soul.


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Learning to love every second of the day.
Learning to appreciate little things in life.
We live for the moment. ♥

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