Warning : Major words storage below. Proceed if you dare to read.
As I begin my travel back to a land called PeeJay, I start to wander into a world of my own. As soon as I stepped out of that little car, said my goodbyes and thank you to the one who dropped me at the train station, I headed straight for the escalators. It took me just 30 seconds to reach to the first floor where the counters were. I reached for my card without hesitation, "beep", and proceeded up to the train platform.
The train arrived as soon as I stepped foot on the platform and I hurriedly step in the opened door to find a seat. It was the 4-coach train that came and took me home. I turned on my little mp3 (called The Kube), plugged the headphones in and silently sing away in my little head. I fell asleep as the train took me to my destination. I awoke when the train left the Bangsar platform, but drifted back to a short nap and finally wide awake when the train hits the Universiti station.
My mind was working on alot of things at once but I couldn't make out what I was thinking at that moment. As the train gradually come to a stop at my destination, I met a friend who just came back from their week long trip to China. Two words : hi, bye was all I could managed as I stepped out of the train, off I went, down the stairs, and out of the station to catch a bus. I was heading towards my father's office, not home. I started wander into my own little world of darkness. Not to mention I was doing a little dance in my head as the songs blasted into my ears.
I board the bus and chose a seat near the exit. Traffic was horrendous at this hour of the day as I waited anxiously to arrive at my final destination. Someone was munching away as he read a book and I diverted my attention to the scenes outside the bus. But eventually my mind wandered and I found myself sinking deeper into my dark little world. Can I really quit studying, make myself disappear so that no one could ever find me?
Without realising, the bus had past 2 stops and was fast approaching my stop. Well I snapped out of my trance and got ready to exit the bus. The bus stopped. I got down as people got up. I headed to where I was supposed to meet my father. Sadness overcome me as I walked. I did not know how this came about but I knew very clearly, I wasn't out of my depression state yet. I felt lonely. Crossing the road, I texted my father to let him be aware that I have arrived, then another text to my boyfriend who was studying at Australia to tell him how I felt.
I felt lonely. That's for sure. Sometimes I do not know why I care so much for others yet I don't get the same in return. I started to scold myself for not being who I used to be. Or for not being a better person. I came to think about my birthday tomorrow and how I am going to celebrate it with one whole day of work, class and more work. I thought it would be nice to have a small celebration as it's a pretty significant date, but not this year. I am feeling rather sad and lonely. Or maybe, it's all in that little head of mind.
I looked up to the sky as I waited. It's like staring up in space and forgetting that the world is still moving around you. I forgot all about these when I met my father and we went for dinner. At least I filled my grumbling stomach up. So much for not eating during lunch. Now here I am, seated in my father's office conference room, typing away as I do my assignment research at the same time. My eyes are pretty tired and I almost had tears flowing down my cheek as my thought wandered back to depression.
Nevertheless, I know I am strong despite having a vulnerable front right now. Being an Architecture student is somewhat different than normal students. I like how I am busy with design, projects and assignments but I want time for my own as well. Sometimes I can't breathe through those pile of work I have but to dig through it to search for a hole enough to let air through. I show a calm, relaxed face while everyone has a serious face. That's just the way I roll. ;)
Now to get back to work. I have been a bad group member before and it wasn't like me at all. Now I need to pull my socks up and hit the road. I am beginning to have my working mojo back. So much for not blogging for 2 weeks. Feels like a month or more to me.
I wish you were here so that I can hug you
instead of that big bear on my bed.
instead of that big bear on my bed.
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