Changed?

What do you do when you have changed so much that you don't even know who you are anymore?

What do you do when you have changed so much you forgot who you were?

You watch your past replaying right before you, as you sit there taking a sip from that Margarita in your hand. Things were so much happier back then. Everything wasn't as messed up as it is right now. You think you know the routes, and you think you know what you want and what you would do. But right now, as you take another sip you ponder - How did everything just spun out of control?

As you tried to regain control, you came to a realization that you have changed far too much even for yourself to recognized. Where has that angelic side of you went to? Has the devil took control of your body? Something inside just broke, has it? That the hair colour and the way of your dressing couldn't have been more of a clearer message. Where has all the good hearted guys went? Or most importantly, you know that there won't be anyone else for you out there already.

What couldn't be more clearer was that you had given up on love. Let go might be better. Not that you do not believe in love anymore, but because it has made you so tired that you refuse to give in to it anymore. Enough is enough, therefore the mainstream status of "Single but Unavailable." You're just too tired to even pursue anymore, not because you believe that one day the person will actually realizes about your love, but because you just do not believe in movie like scenarios. You just know what you want, and you know what you need. But nobody can give you both what you want and need, and that's reality.

Sometimes, we all want to go back to that moment, that time, when we were both perfect for each other. As tears trickle down your cheek, you realized you miss love, and all those perfect moments with love, and how love lights up your world. For so long, you realized that after that time, nothing is ever as smooth as it ever was anymore. Your world spins in fast motion, everything just fly past like nothing permanent is ever going to take place. Change is good, at least it's something. 

Refusing to get caught up in a love web, you work yourself hard, day and night just to keep your stupid mind from wandering around places it should not go. You work yourself hard, using work as a medicine to cure your heartache, to numb all your senses. You fake a smile and say that you have never been better, but it's not. You have to come to a point to admit that you might have fucked up a little. And maybe this moment is now.

Not finishing that drink in hand, you stood up and left. And as you step out the door, you look up to the sky and smile. not a fake, but a genuine smile that rarely anyone sees. A smile that indicates that everything will be alright. A smile that shows you are way too good for those who had broken your heart into tiny pieces. A smile, that shows that you still remember who you were and are right now. 

With that, you walked away into the night.

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A story spun on a wheel within minutes.

So much of everything, I can't show or do anything.

Keeping them for use someday, hopefully,

But because I'm awesome like that. ;)

Only someone worthy will capture that radiant smile of mine.

I'm hot and I know it. 

And that's the confidence I have. :D