Friendships of the past.

221. "At a point in life, we often lose those whom we once called best friend. Some may have many, and some only one. But who are they for us to own, to keep them in our hearts and in our memories, always in reach when we need them? Who are we to own them, like their lives only revolves around us. At a point in life, we often end up losing ourselves as well. We fall and we pick ourselves right up. We bleed and we recover, with a scar to remind us of who we have been, and not of who we will become.

At a certain time of our lives, we will lose those whom we hold dearest to our hearts. But I've learned to moved on, once a friend, always a friend. Letting go isn't as hard as I thought it would be, when you open yourself up to the world." - Yunz, 170214

People come and go. Everyone does. Who are you to determine who you want to keep in your life and whom to let go? But of course, not wrong. We have a say for it's our life that we are living, and we make a decision to keep those who are good to us, and those who are bad to us.

But what if one day, that awesome close friend you once poured your feelings to, your heart and soul, the one that knows you so darn well in and out suddenly left? Or he/she just decided that we should not keep in touch anymore? Or he/she got so tied up with their own new circle of friends or boyfriend/girlfriend that the communication between both of you seems to get lesser and lesser and *poof*, somehow you both seems like strangers again? What should we do then?

Ourselves, just like our friends, we are all the same. Although it's the best if you still keep in touch with your childhood friends, the ones you grew up with since you were still crawling on the floor. It's good that we choose to keep in touch with those people after so long, because friendships also requires work. All relationships requires effort. It's how much effort we put into a relationship that makes the relationship valuable. 

When people ask, "Who are your best friends?" And I used to tell them who they are. Not many, but those few that I know I can fully trust with my heart that they'll keep my secrets safe and sound. But as the time passes, and as we all grow up, we grow apart as well. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst.

I remember during those primary years, I only had one, so called my best friend back then. The friend that I would find and stick to every single day. I even invited her over for my birthday one year! Which wasn't a birthday party with a crowd. I didn't had parties when I was young. That was my best friend. But eventually, we grew apart. What threw us apart, I didn't know but I was too young to understand friendship. I just knew I lost a friend.

I remember back to my high school days, the friends I met cam from all walks of life. I even had a crush on one of my good friend at that time! And throughout that 5 years, I found two, whom I can call my best friend. Back then. Two of which I knew, they would listen to me, force me to speak aloud my feelings, my heart, and back me up with words of encouragement. They would be the ones who knew me well enough to know what kind of person I am deep down. But that was then. Back then.

Do I still keep in touch with them now? Once in awhile.

Do we still chat like we used to? Once in a blue moon.

But do we still understand each other like we used to? I believe we still do.

But maybe just not that well anymore.

Since people do change with time.

Throughout college was quite a roller coaster, fitting into new environments, and still keeping in touch with high school mates. And through heartbreaks and multiple breakups, the ones I called best friends were there. Even after I had a long term boyfriend, we still kept in touch.

Through Uni days, our contact got lesser. Uni days were the best student times for me. For reasons I would only reveal if you were to come to talk to me personally. The uni mates that I've gotten to know within that one year were the friends I never knew they existed! The best fun I could ever asked for and I was devastated because during the switch from QS to AR, I missed them so much that it hurts. That staying with my Architecture mates was just simply torturing. But I always believe, with time, everything will be alright. Everything will turn out alright in the end, no matter how much we are convinced that nothing can go right. I end up with a few bunch of close friends from Architecture course.

People think I have alot of friends that I can hang out with, be it the party type, or the nerdy type, I can easily mingle with anyone. But what people don't know is that I have enemies as well. Not alot, but a few, countable by one hand. Well, they are not exactly enemies but nevertheless, we are not friends. But to have close friends that I can rely on when I am in trouble? I can count all with just one hand. Ever since I realized that people come and go from your life whenever they want, I learned that friendships has the most value when you put your heart in someone who has your back without you telling them to do so. 

I've learned that people change. For good, and for the bad.

I've learned to not call people my best friend, for no one deserves to be deemed as best friend but are not around when we truly need them. (Apparently for me, there's no such word in my friendship dictionary.)

And I've learned to stick to myself whenever times are tough.

I do have a few close friends. The ones that will REALLY, take their time to be with me despite how hectic their schedule is. Even if it's just a phone call, or a short chat over coffee. The ones that has my back when I fail. The ones that does not need to know me well, and yet we can still have a good conversation.

See, I don't expect people to stay. I actually cherish my friendships really well. As long as I am capable, I'll back you up, no matter what it takes. As long as I deem it alright, I'll be there for you whenever you need me. That's what I always, and always repeating myself to my friends.

You tell me you lost a best friend, and that you miss him/her. I am no different. I too have lost one that once was not only my best friend but a soul mate. But I will say stay real and let time decide. Sometimes we have to lose a few friends in order to gain better ones. Don't look back hoping the past will play itself again. Don't look back thinking that it will all be the same when you meet again. 

Let us keep those memories in a place where when we look back, all we do is smile silly at it, for we know we have truly let go of the past.

No more feelings. No more strings attached.

By a friend of mine on FB. “世间本是来来去去，所有人情也是。只要一起时有互相扶持或开心，没有互相伤害或恩怨已足够。”

 不要把友情爱情什么情都好，看得太重。

以免伤的多是自己。