Dejavu.

It was fake to real. Harmless flirting. then came those little pecks on the cheeks and kisses on the forehead. Those sweet gestures suggest otherwise. He held her hands for the first time as her head rested on his shoulders. In the bus, she didn't know how to respond. It has been a really long time that she had forgotten how it felt like. To be holding someone else's hand. It was out of fear that she refuse to feel anything for him.

Is this how it felt to be in love? Or is it really love? She kept thinking on why or how can she fall for someone like him. What is the reason? Where is the excuse? Later, she just quit thinking and went with her heart. No doubts, just taking risks like she always does. Investing her heart where she thinks it belongs. All she wants is to know whether can she love again, and to be loved like she used to be. Choosing him, it'll be worth it, he says.

Yet she ignored the little nagging feeling. Those doubts. Those paranoia thoughts. Why did she ever ignore those kind of little things when they meant the most? History, repeating itself once more. Her heart can take no more. September arrives once more, and this time she fell in far too deep. It was nothing like she ever experienced, or did she just forgot about how it felt? Taking precaution, taking it slow, it was tough but it will be worth it, that's what she kept repeating inside her head.

Preparing that little gift, she realizes that she really did ignore all those little signs. Those signs that tells her everything is falling apart once more, just like it used to last year. Bit and pieces are starting appear, as the image slowly shatters. Hairline cracks turned into structural cracks, one shot straight through her heart. Tears roll down her cheek, "No more. Please." But her broken heart doesn't know what else to do anymore. Her heart, was beyond repair, still surprises her that she can still love. 

Caring - her strength and her weakness. She can really care, and it's also what causes her downfall. Caring too much causes too much pain that she withdraws from everyone and everything. She limited herself to care for him, although too many times, she wanted so badly to show how much she really care, but she knows, too much caring will end up with nothing. It's always that way, it always has been, for her. Already letting go of fear, she slowly falls. She had forgotten how to feel. How to be the girl she used to be. How to be someone's other half. And he came along to remind her.

"Thank you", she whispers into the air. Looking down at that gift, if he can't afford to care, it's alright. If he is not ready, it's alright. She understands. She always does. Too many times, she has been taken advantage of, yet she bears it all. What's the point when being single and being in a relationship makes no difference in her life? What's the point of being worthy, when the other person does not realize her value? 

Hoping for a happy story, but gotten another history lesson. Placed the gift down on the pavement, she looks up to the night sky, that eerie sight of the moon disappearing, she smiles. To her heart she whispers, "No more."

He is a lucky guy to have her.

But is she lucky to have him?

****************************

Might not be the best story I ever written, but another short one from me. The story might be edited in the future, so if you're interested, do come back and re-read it. :) A little inspiration from this music video below. A very nice song.

It’s been so long since I’ve met someone
That makes me feel this way
Makes me smile, and that’s hard to do
I don’t think it’s something you realize you do

Just know that there’s someone
Thinking of you

You are a lucky guy, but you were never mine to begin with.