Letter to who?

Dear ____________,

It's tough being a mother. I really don't know how to go about understanding my own kids. I thought I have given my best & tried my best but I have totally FAIL in doing so. Maybe I have been neglected them in my own pursuit of myself & my happiness. Maybe I think too much of being or getting to know myself better that I have totally forgotten about the dearest people in my life.

What can I do to undone all these? I don't want my kids growing up hating me or blaming my non-existent in their life when they needed me most. My girl wrote a short note to me saying that I have no rights to tell them what to so. And that they have a right to choose what they want to do. And that I shouldn't force them to do anything or whatever they don't like doing. Have I done wrong here?

I don't know how to handle this situation. They are growing up & I know I cannot used force anymore. I want them to get closer to their grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncle.

The divorce has made a great impact on their lives. With me leaving after the finalization of it all, I don't know what would happened. Eventually, they will have to get used to it and I want to be able to see them through it smoothly. I know I have not been the best of the best mothers around.

I want to understand them more & will make the toughest decision ever. I need to spend more quality time with them. How?? I really don't know. Maybe just being around them. Suppress my anger and at the same time I need to find a way to get through to them that teamwork is important, where household chore are equally shared.

Firstly, I need to get over someone & it's time to moved on. I'm going to use the time I have for my kids. I have used too much energy to pursue one that has no time for me. One that would not give much thought of his own happiness. I need to say goodbye. I must be those mice in the book "Who Move My Cheese". Move on - there are other things to be fighting for, for example my relationship with my kids.

I don't know when you wrote this. But what I do know is that I found this in a note book while I was packing and decided to blog it. It means a lot to me on what you have done, and what you have achieve on your own in this few years. I can barely remember what I have said or done to you back then, and I admit that I was still young and immature to even realize how much you mean to me.

I want you to know that you have not fail in any way, and that you should be proud of how your kids turn out to be. Diverse as we may be, we are still grateful to you. It will take us years to understand and realize that what you done is for our own good.

Sometimes we do things we all regret, but that's the way of life, and that's the way we learn. I won't say much but I just want you to know that I love you even if I don't say it to you everyday. I want you to know that you will always be the queen of my heart and nothing beats your cooking! ^^ Every mother is unique in their own way in every kid's eyes. And you are one of a kind to me. Always remember that we make mistakes, we repeat the same mistakes twice, three times. All because we are just humans. We are not perfect.

What's in the past, we can only learn to cherish it. And be impressed by how much we have improve and grow with ourselves that we are not the same person that we used to be in the past. :)

From me to you, my mummy,

Happy Mothers' Day

PS : I hope you see this! *hugs*

We make mistakes. We screw up. We make the same mistake twice, three times or more. All because we are just humans. We are not perfect.