In another life.

Fallen angel.

So out of my mind right now. So out of control. Everything suddenly seem like it's spinning, out of my control, out of my reach. Nothing I can do to grab hold and stop it from spinning. Emotions running wild, clawing at thin air, hallucinations starting. It's all coming back isn't it? Blurred vision, head pounding, body trembling.

"You suck."

It's not going to happen again, is it? Mind going blank, don't know what to think or what to do, a wave of frustration wash over, the need to scream aloud, pulling at my hair, the need to just go ballistic. Scream, kick, claw, punch, bite, shout, everything just waiting to burst out of me, that's what I am, am I?

"Such failure."

Years. It has been years. Memories do haunt you at your weakest moments. Like demons, they eat you up from inside. Burn your soul, you end up losing the real you. Wandering around, searching for answers that can never be found, but Hope keeps you alive, that one day, all will become clear. But has it?

"Who are you?"

Promises, broken.
Hearts, pieces.
Trust, dishevelled.
Souls, ripped.

Sometimes, when you have enough of good times, bad times have to have their say as well. And I guess this is the time where the devil comes standing face-to-face with me, telling me my fun time is up. Depression gnaws on me, gloom shelters me. Must it always be this way?

"Arrogant bitch."

In an blink of an eye, who am I? In the midst of all the mess I have created, I realized, instead of being who I am, I have lost myself in the crowd. That smile I wore, seems so fake. Those greetings, insincere. What happened? Lost myself, lost my heart, lost my soul. Déjà vu.

"Useless."

Refusing to turn back, hesitant to step forward. What happened to that risk-taking, dare-devil that I once knew? Nothing at the back for me to hang on to, yet in the distance, everything seems so far out of reach. So out of control, I feel. I need to stop. I need to take a breather. Life has been passing by so fast that I take whatever that is being thrown at me. But how long can that wall I build last?

"Ignorant."

Stop.

But life does not stop for you. Re-evaluate my principles. Re-evaluate what I want out of life. Re-evaluate who exactly I am and what am I doing. Looking past my shoulders, I see my old self catching up. A walk turn into a jog. A jog turn into a run. Is it a good idea to run from myself? Is it even worth running away from my past?

"Sensitive bitch."

Sensitive, it has been my middle name. Well, hello to you right now, you are back. Rejoice. Where has all my joyful aura went? Where has my light went? Trapped in this darkness, self inflicted wounds are bound to occur. I need to escape. Head pounding, mind blank, body trembling. I hug my knees closer to my body. I need to break free. I can't afford to lose myself once more, after knowing that I am so close to spreading my wings.

Wake up, it's time to face reality.


I do, hell wish it was just a dream.


I need to be able to smile again
without feeling the need to shut my world away from others.

Fallen; an arrow straight through.